The start of the journey….. it all started with a pain and what I thought was a lump in my left breast and grew to numbness, feeling of body “buzzing”, loss of left hand control, loss of right foot and from there the symptoms would just continue. My life would forever be changed after that day. From the scare of possible breast cancer, brain tumor, to MS, fibromyalgia, to the statements that you are just “crazy”, it would take over 3 years and more needles than I can count, more MRI tunnels than any claustrophobic girl should ever have to endure, spinal taps and blood patches, needles in muscles, heart procedures/ tests, and counseling for the chance that just maybe all this pain really was in my head. There are no words to explain the feeling one has to the hundred of test result emails I held my breath for that I hoped held the answers I needed but was too scared to hear. The many tears shed for yet another doctor saying “ I do not know”, a test that read “normal”, and the feeling of being alone. The helpless feeling and hopefulness that one day I would wake up to feel as I once did. The carefree, cheerful, life of the party, runner, mom, wife I once was. Instead of waking up each and every day thinking “ Oh goodness what will be wrong today and can I make it”.
The call that would change my life forever, answer my questions, and set me on a new journey I hope I am strong enough to face. “ You have Lyme and 2 co-infections”. “WHAT?” I think I have been waiting all this time for the diagnosis of MS to explain all this pain over the years. It was the path most doctors have taken me on but Lyme? How could I have Lyme? How? What does it mean? Why me? Will I ever feel well? My poor brain was so overwhelmed with the news as was my heart.
The diagnosis was more overwhelming and heart breaking than I ever thought it would be. Spent the remainder of the day crying and wondering why me! Three years of searching for answers and now the search for answers is over and now the journey of treatment, understanding, and acceptance begins. Hardest part I have found in the week since being diagnosed, is the sharing with friends and family. Some look at you in shock, some are very comforting and supportive, and some have no understanding of the disease and say the darndest things!
This week starts my new journey and my first set of herbs before we hit the BIG meds… to say I am terrified is yet an understatement. I am hoping that by sharing my story and journey that I am about to take, that maybe just one person going through the same may not feel so alone. That maybe they find the courage to fight, find the extra strength to make it through yet another tough day, and maybe we all find a silver lining in a disease we never thought we would get.